Gains & Losses
This was originally intended to be my “bump update”, and it still is, but it’s just a bit different than I imagined. I have had a great pregnancy. It was different than mine with Levi since I had lots of food aversions and a lack of an appetite on many days. With Levi, I could eat a whole pizza and still not feel full! For this reason- and the fact that Joe and I both had a dream about it – we thought this baby was a girl. So, for the sake of this post and my feelings toward the matter, Baby is a “she”. 🙂
If you read my Instagram post, you may know that this has been a bit of a rough week for me. I had just hit my three month mark in my pregnancy when I started bleeding. That was last Saturday, and it continued until last night (Thursday) when it was heavier and I had some severe cramping. I passed my baby last night and cried seeing her sweet self. I love her and I am grateful for the twelve weeks I had with her.
I started my blog to document my life in the purest way possible, and hopefully to help people in small ways by sharing my experiences. For this reason, I’d like to expound upon my week & what I have learned, since this is something I never thought would happen to me – the crazy lady who wants ten kids! But like I said in my last post, children are great teachers, and even though my babe was only with me for a short time, I have earned some valuable lessons that I couldn’t have learned any other way. This is a journal entry I wrote the day before Thursday, when I passed my darling babe & I think it sums up my thoughts quite well:
This week has been a blessing. I decided what I need during this time is support from those around me, so I texted my visiting teacher and she was over within the hour with her companion. They shared a message about how sometimes, God tells us that our trials aren’t all going away. We need to need Him. And it’s true, without trials, us imperfect mortals don’t always understand our need for others in the plan. Trials humble us. Trials are who we are, and they will only go away when we become better and more forgiving of ourselves and others. More understanding. More loving. I am so glad I got to visit with them because my burden felt lighter after they left.
Later, a ward member called to give me comfort, support, and a bit of information. That call lessened my fears.
I feel hope. I feel loved. I feel gratitude. Sometimes in my time of need, I tend to shut people out and try to deal with the pain on my own and with God. What I didn’t realize was how much I need others, especially at times like these! I have now been more open with people and I reap the benefits. God blessed me by allowing others to comfort me and in the process, heal themselves. This is why I’m always trying to be more transparent, on my social media accounts and in life. It’s so much easier to let others in than keep them out, because you’re not doing anyone a favor by keeping things inside (I know because I am the master at that!). You are keeping yourself from helpful support and are not allowing others to feel the joys of serving you.
This is what I’ve learned from my experience and although I wasn’t always happy for going through it, I am (in retrospect) because I’ve become just a little more humble in realizing how much I need others. God can only help me as much as I’m willing to help myself. We truly need Him – and those around us – every hour.
I know I will become a better person as I remember God through this experience. Thank you to all who are in my life and continue to bless me in the smallest and largest of ways. May the Lord bless you like you’ve blessed me. ♡